i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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