Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Come share oat with me in your robe
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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