I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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