I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
