As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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