I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
