This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
