google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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