She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
