Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
that is very illegal...i love you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
