that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
