Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I understand Curling. That high.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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