I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
