Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize