If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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