I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
