someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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