This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my shit smells like andre
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
