It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize