They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
