As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You ruined the universe
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
