Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
