I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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