I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize