The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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