i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
