I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
