Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
