wrigley field is MILF paradise
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
