We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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