i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
