I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
