Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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