And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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