We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
