If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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