I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
