People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize