He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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