never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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