I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize