thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize