shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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