I heard we made out
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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