Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
