You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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