Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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