i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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