I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
