you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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