we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
