Got a toothbrush?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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