I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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