Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh god it's open bar.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
