I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
