When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
