Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
