Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
