I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
