in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
