You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
