I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
